Tag: tonic immobility

  • How I Took Charge Of My Fear and Won – Even When I Wasn’t ‘Supposed To’

    2-bed, 1.5 bath, lovely view if you can do a handstand.

    Fear can come from out of nowhere.

    Last month I got a letter from my landlord – one of these big impersonal companies that has many apartment complexes. For all I know, the person who owns it all might not even be from Texas, or the U.S.

    In the letter, it said that I can choose my rent price.

    The problem? All their options were at least $50 per month more than what I was currently paying.

    Fear struck.

    Fear? Why now? I’ve moved eight times since 2008. Multiple states, and at least 3 countries. Why would I be scared of a simple move now?

    In the middle of my freaking out, I took this opportunity to apply what was written in this previous post.

    Get more information to understand the problem –

    – and get moving.

    Austin is a bubble of craziness in America. It’s one of the few real estate markets in the U.S. that continues to ignore the Wall Street Journal and MSNBC – the housing market keeps going up, up, up. Even after the recession, Austin’s population grows faster than contractors can build. How was I going to keep prices low, and have a story completely different than the one being told for me?

    With my delivery job, I had visited nearly every apartment complex in a 5 mile radius – many times. Combine that with my past experience being a Realtor, and my business education, and I was someone who could actually do something. Maybe it wouldn’t be much, but it might be enough.

    I visited several apartment complexes and got quotes. Most of them were higher than what I was paying. Then I found two – both were closer to town.

    One was over 100 sq feet less than what I currently had.

    The other?  superior in every way. I got on the waiting list for this one and then attempted to renegotiate with my landlord.

    The landlord had an assistant who had zero business experience. You could see it in the way he carried himself. He was four to five rungs down in this big, plastic ladder.

    I remembered the whole time to keep my cool, be polite, avoid ultimatums. I even offered to pay multiple months of rent in advance as leverage.

    He pulled market pricing excuses (which were hard to cross reference, where did he get this info?) then looked at this big 3-ring binder filled with Excel spreadsheets. Then he countered to raise my rent a hundred dollars higher than the increased price their letter started with.

    Bad negotiating.

    You could say I ‘lost’. Sometimes a system is structured so you end up ‘negotiating’ with someone who doesn’t have the ‘authority’ to do anything. So many people are ‘just doing their job’ in a compartmentalized existence for faceless brand symbols pursuing false idols, leaving real human beings exposed to the damage left behind…but I digress.

    By getting on a waiting list earlier, and not waiting until the last minute – I had options baby!

    I signed a lease yesterday with one that will actually cost around 40 dollars LESS per month than what I’m already paying. It’s closer to town, is in a gated community, and has larger square footage. Combine that with the 50$ price increase I would have paid, I saved around 800$, including moving expenses.

    Lucky? Maybe. But if I hadn’t reached out for more information, and if I hadn’t continued to take small steps forward, no amount of luck in the world would have made a difference.

    So I lost the negotiation, but beat the victim mentality and got what I wanted. A way to keep costs down and continue to build momentum in a place I enjoy living.

    Have you had any victories against the victim mentality? I’d love to know. I’d even feature you in a blog post if your story is (A: true) and (B: awesome). Until then, leave a synopsis of what happened in the comments…

  • 2 Simple Things You Can Do to Reduce Your Fear

    splatter question by bessarro at sxc.hu
    splatter question by bessarro at sxc.hu

    Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itselfnameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. – Franklin D. Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address – March 4, 1933

    Fear is a trigger that pulls you right into a victim mentality. It is such a strong trigger that you may find it difficult to get back out again. Here, I share my own experience dealing with fear. By getting out of it fast, you reduce the time you spend in a victimizing self-image.

    Note: Keep in mind that this post is designed to alleviate fear in non-deadly, non-urgent situations. It is not meant to be a guide to self-defense or to teach lightning-fast reaction skills necessary in deadly scenarios. While some of the principles may cross over, those situations require more intensive preparation and training. It also does not deal with phobias, which are usually based on easy to see stimuli (heights, the band KISS, etc)

    Fear does two things to your body, and to your progress in life.

    1. It slows or stops your movements
    2. It throws a situation in your face that you know little about

    Fear = Ignorance + Paralysis

    IGNORANCE:

    The scariest part of any horror movie is when?

    The part leading up to when you finally see the monster.

    What happens next? A sharp spike in surprise and panic – then you adjust.

    So he’s an humanoid alien with a huge head, thinks Ripley. I can work with that.

    So the KKK guy is actually a fat old-timey pharmacist wearing a white hood.

    Nothing can compete with what’s in your head, that’s why things are scarier when we cannot see them. That’s why death is so scary. Nobody truly knows what happens. Sure, as a Christian I can tell you what I believe, but I’ve never actually died. There is a great unknown that we cannot reach without crossing a line and not coming back.

    PARALYSIS:

    I once hit an elk at sixty miles an hour. The beast managed to stop in front of the road when it saw me coming – then proceeded to crap on the hood as it tried to jump away.

    To this day, I call that experience a ‘drive-by s***ting’.

    Thank God I was not only okay, but the car worked well enough to take me the remaining 60 miles between Boise and Sun Valley.

    Mademoiselle Elk reinforced what I already learned from body language books. Fear makes you seize up before you can react. It’s called tonic immobility.

    This happens in your brain too, but the paralysis in your decision-making can last much longer.

    While you do not want to react to the problem emotionally, you need to keep moving. That’s why activity and work is so helpful for the mind.

    Take a small step. Regardless of how small it may seem. Before you know it, you’ll be taking larger steps. Finally, with most of your fear gone, you’ll see enough of the road in front of you to be confident again.

    How do you beat fear the next time you are afraid?

    • Learn more about the situation.
    • Get moving again.

    If this seems hard, tell yourself that you can go back to being afraid after you take a few forward steps and get more information. Chances are, you’ll be afraid again. We all are.

    Have you realized anything similar to this in your own experiences with fear? Let me know in the comments