You don’t need a car from the 80’s to make your future a better place. The toughest, coolest people on earth can do it by asking a few simple questions. Get ready, you’re about to go on a small journey back in time.
In this journey you will visit three places. Each place corresponds to one of the three worst experiences of your life.
Where did you go?
What are the 3 worst times of your life?
Can you answer for yourself what happened, how you felt, and how it affected you?
Now stop. Rather than going on an emotional spin-cycle, ask yourself a different question: With each event, what positive things did you learn from the experience, and how did it cause you to grow?
Don’t expect a simple answer right away.
You’re quick answer will likely be similar to mine. “It sucked. I didn’t learn anything. And I’d never want to go through anything like that again. That answer is not wrong. The experience was terrible, and you wouldn’t want to go through it again (at least I hope not!).
Bad experiences are not worth repeating.
Still, ask yourself what you learned from each experience. Do it out loud. And listen to the kinds of answers you come up with.
This process may take several days. Write those answers down, remember them, and you’ll now have something positive even out of the worst moments of your life.
Example: I had to take care of my mom when she had Lou Gehrig’s Disease. She loved me, but she was far from perfect. It can be difficult to see what positive things can be gained from that kind of experience.
The answers I got? Good times and bad times are like chapters. No matter how long they may seem to stretch, they do end. Then another chapter begins.
here’s another one: Find the most good you can do in that one day, and do it – knowing that once the sun sets, that day will never come back.
Those sound like the exact opposite of a victim mentality.
Bad things will still happen. It will still suck. It’s part of being alive.
But if you do this exercise, you’ll take a moment to frame your experience in a productive way.
And, ironically, you will be less likely to repeat those mistakes. You’ll have a better future, but without asking where you’d be if you didn’t do this exercise, you’d never know.