The Blog of Author David Allen

Tag: dealing with victim mentality

  • The Real Problem Creatives Have AFTER They’ve Tried and Failed

    Negative Emotions Can Make You Very Creative, But…

    I’m  only happen when it rains. – Garbage (the band)

    Victim Thinking
    Rain Texture by ShadowRave at sxc.hu

    Negative emotions can be a great source of inspiration. The very first written stories in Greek plays were classified as Comedies and Tragedies. A famous example is when a man becomes king only later to realize that he had killed his own father and married his mother in the process (Oedipus Rex).

    For all the good news that is in the Bible, there are also quite a few stories that end in tragedy, like the relationship between John the Baptist and Herod.

    Clearly, negative emotions can be a great source of creativity.

    Tragedies let us know not to go down a wrong path. They highlight the dangers of a ineffective mindset.

    There is a difference, however, between negative emotions and the victim mentality.

    It starts with the difference between thinking and dwelling. Thinking is productive – we can create when we are thinking. After the grieving process, we can illustrate how terrible events can benefit our future actions and thoughts.

    Dwelling, on the other hand, gets you nowhere. When we start to dwell on negativity, it is easy to move into a victim place. When that happens, our creativity suffers.

    The Benefits of A Victim Mentality

    What does the victim mentality do? It makes you the center of the universe – a universe you don’t even want to be in.

    It takes a great level of intelligence to maintain a thinking process as stupid as this. Because it is such a great undertaking, we take pride in it. It highlights our intellect. Too bad it also highlights our lack of wisdom.

    For all our twisting, wringing, stretching, and stuffing, we only contort ourselves.

    If you are the center of your universe, it is difficult to write from the perspective of a different person. It is nearly impossible to keep in mind how somebody else will consider your work.

    It is seductive. Why? Because we not only make ourselves the center of the universe – we also twist everything around us to show how unrelated events are a direct attack on ourselves.

    To preserve our sense of self, we may even stop creating anything meaningful because ‘nobody will care or understand it’.

    Creatives Have MAJOR Problems With This

    If your job is to create things, and you only succeed when you are brilliant, you are going to face a lot of rejection. Most of it will sound like “Sorry, but this isn’t for us.” OR “Give me a business card and we’ll stay in touch.”

    Other times it will be much harsher. Something you thought was smart didn’t connect, and people will tell you so.

    It will even be cruel! Critics only get attention when they say controversial things, so you will often hear a critic say something disparaging about you just to get eyeballs, or say you’re old news just because they want to look cool in front of their hipster friends.

    So there is this desire for self-preservation – to not do anything that rocks the boat.

    Yet most of the rewards go to the risk takers, and most of the people brave or stupid enough to take the plunge won’t get the results they desire the first time, the second time, or even the tenth.

    You will not take risks if you are in the victim mentality. As a result, victim thinking gets you nowhere as a creative.

    This may be obvious on the surface, but if it cuts your time dwelling in the victim space by even 10%, you’re life will be changed.

    Maybe it’s time to get into a different universe.

    Has victim thinking ever held you back from doing what you know you need to do? Let me know in the comments below!

  • DeLoreans are for Chumps – How To Examine the Worst of Your Past to Create Your Best Future.

    photo courtesy of cmx82 on sxc.hu
    photo courtesy of cmx82 on sxc.hu

    You don’t need a car from the 80’s to make your future a better place. The toughest, coolest people on earth can do it by asking a few simple questions. Get ready, you’re about to go on a small journey back in time.

    In this journey you will visit three places. Each place corresponds to one of the three worst experiences of your life.

    Where did you go?

    What are the 3 worst times of your life?

    Can you answer for yourself what happened, how you felt, and how it affected you?

    Now stop. Rather than going on an emotional spin-cycle, ask yourself a different question: With each event, what positive things did you learn from the experience, and how did it cause you to grow?

    Don’t expect a simple answer right away.

    You’re quick answer will likely be similar to mine. “It sucked. I didn’t learn anything. And I’d never want to go through anything like that again. That answer is not wrong. The experience was terrible, and you wouldn’t want to go through it again (at least I hope not!).

    Bad experiences are not worth repeating.

    Still, ask yourself what you learned from each experience. Do it out loud. And listen to the kinds of answers you come up with.

    This process may take several days. Write those answers down, remember them, and you’ll now have something positive even out of the worst moments of your life.

    Example: I had to take care of my mom when she had Lou Gehrig’s Disease. She loved me, but she was far from perfect. It can be  difficult to see what positive things can be gained from that kind of experience.

    The answers I got? Good times and bad times are like chapters. No matter how long they may seem to stretch, they do end. Then another chapter begins.

    here’s another one: Find the most good you can do in that one day, and do it – knowing that once the sun sets, that day will never come back.

    Those sound like the exact opposite of a victim mentality.

    Bad things will still happen. It will still suck. It’s part of being alive.

    But if you do this exercise,  you’ll take a moment to frame your experience in a productive way.

    And, ironically, you will be less likely to repeat those mistakes. You’ll have a better future, but without asking where you’d be if you didn’t do this exercise, you’d never know.