The Blog of Author David Allen

Category: Simple Solutions

Hate Hearing ‘No’? How to Deal With Rejection From Strangers

‘No’ sucks.

In my life, I’ve heard that word way more often than Yes.

The word No is, for me, like stairs are for the Kung Fu Panda: Unpleasant, and there are way too many of them.

Example: During one of my nine sales attempts (each lasting for 2-6 months), I sold credit card processing services. During that 6-month time, I’ve heard the word No over 7000 times, and heard the word Yes… MAYBE five times? This was my second most successful attempt at a sales-type job.

As you can see, the law of numbers has not historically worked out in my favor.

If you’re reading this and thinking: “This is me right now!”, you’ve probably come to one of several conclusions:

First, you must improve your skills at getting to yes.

Second, you must find a way to make NO hurt less than it does now.

There are many ways to do the first one, most of which is education and training. Learning about trust has helped me with some of that, which is why I wrote the Emotionally Bulletproof books. Trust has allowed me to hear more No’s than I could have faced otherwise, and has helped lead to Yes in a few profound ways throughout my life.

For the second part, you must perform some level of mental fortification. You’ve got to build some walls.

The best walls are like the walls of your cells, the tiny wardens protecting your body. They have permeable membranes, so they will let some stuff in while keeping other stuff out.

So how can you develop a wall – a permeable membrane – to keep the No’s from hurting?

Watch these logical gymnastics. They may work for you.

DISCLAIMER: These scenarios are related to business No’s, selling to strangers, where the line between respecting people’s boundaries and being a jerk is thicker and harder to define than romantic relationships. Do not test the boundaries of a romantic relationship using this type of logic. Life experience has taught me that many of these are No’s in that area of life.

But when your livelihood is on the line and you’ve got to make that sale, read on.

Is This ‘No’ Qualified to Hurt You?

I’ve found that most aren’t. So I’m listing some No’s that you should no longer even count as No’s. They are pretenders, and trying to take good paying jobs away from the hard working No’s that belong in this country!

Sorry, wrong rant.

Here are the ones that don’t count anymore:

If the person in front of you does not have the authority to say ‘Yes’, it isn’t technically a No.

If the decision maker was angry, stressed, or tired right before you showed up, it’s not a No.

Can you possibly put them in a better mood? Yes. Skill plays a factor.

Sometimes you can even judge timing to reduce the likelihood of this, and it’s your responsibility to look into that. Sometimes, however, there’s nothing you can do. They wanted to say No to something and you showed up right on time. They probably weren’t even really listening.

If they didn’t understand what you were offering, it’s not a No.

Given, you have to take responsibility for how clearly you communicate; that doesn’t ever change. Still, some people are easily distracted, dumb, late to come to the meeting and early to leave, illiterate, etc. Also, if they say Yes to things they don’t understand, they aren’t your ideal customer anyway.

If you left a voicemail, got lost in a phone tree, or had to leave an email… if you didn’t get a response it’s not a No.

Most people are busy. Some people (Me) are cowards, and don’t want to say No to your face. Make sure the No doesn’t count unless you hear it from them.

If they said Yes to someone else offering the same thing, it’s not a No; it’s a Not Now.

I don’t care if their brother does their photography for them. Maybe their brother will move/quit/get sick/go on vacation/die tomorrow. If they said Yes to somebody, they have a need. It’s just not you that’s fulfilling that need right now.

If they said Yes in the past to someone who burned them, and now they don’t trust others, it’s not a No.

You just need to build trust with them. Decide whether or not it’s worth the time and choose. Bad apples ruin it for everybody, most of all for those who can’t hear No.

If they give an objection, it’s NOT a No.

Objections usually mean they want to talk to you about something. This can be good. If they have many objections and still manage to find a few more, it IS a No.

If they do not have the money to say Yes, it is a No.

If they haven’t graduated middle school, have no job, or are bankrupt, they usually aren’t your ideal customer.

If the decision maker is unavailable due to busy season, family emergency, vacation, etc, it’s not a No.

If they’re going out of business, it’s not a No.

Humor aside, there is a delicate balance between respecting boundaries and knowing when to keep asking questions. It’s a balance I’ve never fully learned, so don’t take me as the source of all wisdom here.

In any situation, it is your responsibility to learn and adjust to the circumstances of life. Respect people’s decisions, and try to know when they’ve truly made a choice one way or another.

BONUS: If the cops are escorting you off of the premises, guess what? You’ve just heard a No.

January 25, 2016
How to Survive A Dog Attack

Two weeks back, I was watching Worst-Case Scenario with Bear Grylls. Bear’s last show was basically “I’m gonna eat one disgusting bug”, from every rough patch of the earth.

This time, he turned his focus to more commonplace dangers, and one was: Surviving a dog attack.

Little did I know that 5 days later, I would face this same situation.

I was running a new route that connects to the interstate through a broken-down suburban neighborhood. I had ran the same path once already, and didn’t think anything of it.

Halfway to the interstate, two dogs burst from a trash-ridden driveway, snarling and barking.

One was a Pitbull, and he was the nicer one.

First rule: Don’t run.

I slowed down to a walk, and edged further from the driveway. Perhaps the dogs were territorial, and they wouldn’t follow me.

Wrong. They kept a-coming.

Next: Stay Calm.

Everybody knows animals can smell fear. I don’t know the biological reason for that, but simply knowing made things easier. When you have no other choice, becoming calm is easier than you think.

Bear’s further rules: Look for a collar, put obstacles between yourself and the dogs, and try to find a high place to climb up out of their reach.

The collar one is simple: dogs who are used to receiving commands may listen to you. I told them “Heel, Stop, Go.” they responded with such rebuttals as “Woof. Arf. and Grrrrr.” Not good. They wouldn’t know what ‘heel’ means. I don’t even know what ‘heel’ means.

As for obstacles and high places: I’m not a fast runner, and there wasn’t anything to climb on for a quarter mile. The dogs would bite me before I got there. While I saw sharp pieces of wood, glass bottles, and all manner of post-apocalypse weaponry on my way there, suddenly none of it could be found. These rules weren’t going to help.

One dog lunged at me as I continued to move away. I realized that as this dog was going to bite me if I kept doing what I was doing.

Last rule: Shove something down it’s throat so it can’t bite you, and use your arms to appear larger while protecting your neck and groin.I got big. I got mean. And I started yelling at them. Nothing I said back then will be repeated on this blog, but I gave them threats as if I really was going to die and I had to say something terrifying and memorable.

They circled, stunned but not backing down.Finally I made to rush at them whenever they started advancing on me. As soon as I did that, they’d jump back.

This back and forth continued for about 20 seconds before an SUV drove by, horn blaring. That caused the dogs to back off, and me to get away.

The surprising thing about the whole experience

When I got away, I felt really good. I don’t get a rush from many things, but evading a dog attack is now one of those things. Just don’t catch me running back there for a good buzz. Not gonna happen.

What I learned about all survival situations:

Some survival rules won’t apply to your emergency scenario. Most of Bear’s rules didn’t for me. Despite that, I was calm enough to keep the dogs guessing, and that was what needed to happen.

Not every step is going to go according to plan. Sometimes this can hurt you, but if you took the time to prepare, and stay calm, you can handle it better than if you hadn’t prepared at all.

May 1, 2014
47 Credit Hours in 5 Months – Is it Possible?

Graduation – if nothing else – closes one chapter and opens another.

It took about five months to finish three semesters’ worth of college.

This is why I haven’t done a lot of blog posts.

As someone who went to State, Private, and Online Accredited Universities, the online option was just as challenging as regular university. The difference? No wasted time whatsoever. And trust me, a lot of time is wasted in a classroom environment.

How can you do 47 credit hours in just five months? It’s easily possible in several steps:

1. 80/20. Most of your results will come from 20% of your activities. If you know how your mind works, you can utilize the tools that work best for you to apply the information.

NOTE: another bonus of the 80/20 principle: It only takes a bit of time to learn 80% of the material. Then, an equal amount of time to get the next 16% or so. Same again for the last 4%. This is true for any job, learning any language, and knowing how to play the guitar. Knowing when you’ve got most of it allows you to test out of classes. It takes a lot of work, but things get done so much faster.

2. Model effective people.

I found the system that worked best for my unique situation (Online). Then I modeled someone who had a career, AND a family, and managed to get 128 credits done in 6 months!

(NOTE: Much of this comes from the fact that she’s already accomplished in her field, so she may not have to study like the rest of us. Still, the point applies.)

3. Once you know how long it takes to do each type of course, plot out deadlines for each course that are do-able, but still challenge you.

4. Lastly, dedicate an uninterrupted block of time to complete each deliverable that contributes the most to your ability to understand the material that matters. Do this every day.

But what about the Stories?

Yeah, this is a non-writerly post. But I’m putting it up anyway because many people find it intimidating to finish their degree. By any other system that would not let me apply what I already know, it would have taken a year and a half. Now it took 5 months.

Now back to the writing. My second screenplay will be finished by Friday, then it’s back to the Novel. I plan on producing a lot of great stuff in the coming year. Stay tuned.

March 18, 2014
2 Simple Things You Can Do to Reduce Your Fear
splatter question by bessarro at sxc.hu

Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itselfnameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. – Franklin D. Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address – March 4, 1933

Fear is a trigger that pulls you right into a victim mentality. It is such a strong trigger that you may find it difficult to get back out again. Here, I share my own experience dealing with fear. By getting out of it fast, you reduce the time you spend in a victimizing self-image.

Note: Keep in mind that this post is designed to alleviate fear in non-deadly, non-urgent situations. It is not meant to be a guide to self-defense or to teach lightning-fast reaction skills necessary in deadly scenarios. While some of the principles may cross over, those situations require more intensive preparation and training. It also does not deal with phobias, which are usually based on easy to see stimuli (heights, the band KISS, etc)

—

Fear does two things to your body, and to your progress in life.
1. It slows or stops your movements
2. It throws a situation in your face that you know little about
Fear = Ignorance + Paralysis

IGNORANCE:

The scariest part of any horror movie is when?

The part leading up to when you finally see the monster.

What happens next? A sharp spike in surprise and panic – then you adjust.

So he’s an humanoid alien with a huge head, thinks Ripley. I can work with that.

So the KKK guy is actually a fat old-timey pharmacist wearing a white hood.

Nothing can compete with what’s in your head, that’s why things are scarier when we cannot see them. That’s why death is so scary. Nobody truly knows what happens. Sure, as a Christian I can tell you what I believe, but I’ve never actually died. There is a great unknown that we cannot reach without crossing a line and not coming back.

PARALYSIS:

I once hit an elk at sixty miles an hour. The beast managed to stop in front of the road when it saw me coming – then proceeded to crap on the hood as it tried to jump away.

To this day, I call that experience a ‘drive-by s***ting’.

Thank God I was not only okay, but the car worked well enough to take me the remaining 60 miles between Boise and Sun Valley.

Mademoiselle Elk reinforced what I already learned from body language books. Fear makes you seize up before you can react. It’s called tonic immobility.

This happens in your brain too, but the paralysis in your decision-making can last much longer.

While you do not want to react to the problem emotionally, you need to keep moving. That’s why activity and work is so helpful for the mind.

Take a small step. Regardless of how small it may seem. Before you know it, you’ll be taking larger steps. Finally, with most of your fear gone, you’ll see enough of the road in front of you to be confident again.

How do you beat fear the next time you are afraid?
- Learn more about the situation.
- Get moving again.
If this seems hard, tell yourself that you can go back to being afraid after you take a few forward steps and get more information. Chances are, you’ll be afraid again. We all are.

Have you realized anything similar to this in your own experiences with fear? Let me know in the comments
April 30, 2013
Note Taking 2.0: Without a Pen or Paper – Part Two

image courtesy of davdibiase on sxc.hu

In the last post, I showed how you can use an audio recorder to get all your ideas down. This is useful for coming up with story ideas, monitoring your thoughts, answering big questions that you need several days to answer, and remembering action steps that can change your life. Here, You’ll learn how to synthesize those notes into a simple system for finding them later.

This will work if you physically write down items as well, though you’ll need a file cabinet or folder system if you want to do this without a computer.

Find Any Idea You’re Looking For – Without Really LOOKING For It.

How long does it take you to find something you remember reading or hearing about? Does it take a long time to find something you wrote down to do later?

This can take tens of hours – just to find one item.

Your life is too important to struggle that much for something like this.

Authors like John C. Maxwell can typically find what they are looking for in under two minutes. That’s right, two minutes. With a system in place for storing your ideas, your brain can actually work for you. My system isn’t nearly as elaborate, but it is simple.

That is because I haven’t been doing it as long, or for the same reasons.

It is important with anything new that you keep the steps simple enough that you’ll actually do them. Keep it simple, then refine as it becomes habit.

Step One: It Starts With One Document

Create a folder you can easily access on your computer. Name this folder ‘notes’. In that, we will make one document. Name it “XX Month Notes XX YEAR” If you’re doing this in April 3030, you’ll write it as “April Notes, 3030.”

Step Two: Categorize

This is crucial for rapid recall. When you have to find the notes, you’ll want to search using a keyword category “CTRL + F” followed by writing in the catagory of note you’re looking for. When I record a note, I keep this category in mind as I’m recording it.

Here’s the format: [CATEGORY OF USE] + [SUBJECT MATTER] + [NOTE]

Here’s an example from a recent recorded note:

stand-up comedy – Celebrity/ Musician note – Do you think Justin Bieber looks kind of like Ellen DeGeneres?

Okay, the joke needs more developing. It’s more of an intro to a routine than a self-contained punch line. Still, that’s how I record it into the voice recorder, and that’s how I write it in the note file.

Enter all your voice recorded notes this way, then delete them from your voice recorder.

Step Three – Rapid Recall

When you need to find all your favorite quotes, you type CTRL+F with your document open, then type the word quote (the category), or the subject (like ‘self-esteem’), and your document will instantly highlight the subject or category that contained that word.

Just in case it’s not perfect. Usually you can tell within 1/2 a year when you discovered a quote or story, or had an insight. If one document doesn’t have it, go to the next month, then the previous. It now takes 10 seconds to scan a document instead of 1/2 an hour. Your computer may even have a search function for all folders, so you can enter your category in the ‘find’ feature, and you’ll search all documents. Either way, your search time is reduced to nil.

Now, 2 years from now, if you decide to do a standup comedy routine, what do you do? Open your notes, search for all your ‘stand-up comedy’ notes, and you have 10-20 minutes of material to turn into whatever you want.

All that time, insight, and random ideas? You can harness them all, regardless of when they strike you.

What system do you use? And why do you use it? Let me know below in the comments.

April 10, 2013
Note-taking 2.0 – Without A Pen Or Paper – Part One

Inspiration strikes at any time – it does not wait for us to be in front of a computer. In this post, I show you a convenient way I use to record notes. In part 2 we’ll talk about a simple system for databasing them.

—

53 minutes 26 seconds? An episode of Burn Notice doesn’t count as a note.

Ever get a profound idea, only to forget it later?

If you’re like me, this is a terrible experience.

–       You get a life-altering business idea, but forget the key points.

–       A flash of insight that can improve your relationships – if you take action. Trouble is, you’re in your car. By the time you’re at home, it’s gone.

–       There’s a great movie you want to see, but you forget it by your next visit to Netflix.

If this happens over and over, it’s a tragedy. Why get good insights if you can’t find and use them later?

One strategy is to keep a pen and paper with you. That’s a great system, if you ALWAYS have both a pen and paper.

Two things to remember = two things to misplace.

SURVIVOR’S NOTE: One day, you WILL leave a pen in your pants. One laundry trip later, your wardrobe is ruined. I’ve done this three times in less than six months, even while reminding myself not to every day. If you have an unlimited budget and want an excuse for a new wardrobe, here it is. For everyone else…

There’s also a computer or tablet device. This is great as well, as long as you have it with you. However, sometimes you have to drive, or walk, or be someplace where you don’t want to take expensive electronics with you. What then?

Here is what I use to record notes:

An audio recorder.

Specifically, I use an Olympus DP 201 Digital Recorder.

The pluses:

–       It’s intuitive. You can learn to use this in 10 minutes – no instruction.

–       Batteries are included, and recorder mode lasts 80 hours

–       I keep it in my car or at my desk at home, so I always know where it is.

–       Larger than a pen, but smaller than a notebook. So you know it’s there, and it’s easier to carry.

The cons:

–       It’s 35$, but compared to the wardrobe malfunction above, that’s a bargain

–       If you lose it, the cost to replace is higher than a pen and paper.

–       You can’t move the audio files to your computer. There’s not even a USB port. If that’s important to you, use something else.

Is it the best system? No. But I record notes at the same speed as talking. That alone makes a huge difference.

So, what do you record? For inspiration, here are some things I record:

–       Screenplay/book ideas

–       business ideas

–       action steps for major goals

–       great quotes or things to meditate on

–       jokes or stories for later use in public speaking or networking

–       great questions to ask myself later

–       new lessons I learned throughout the day

There’s no affiliate link for that recorder. I’m just telling you what I use. It is low-tech, but sometimes the fastest and easiest way is low-tech.

SURVIVAL TIP: If you’re listening to a talk, and there are other audience members, stick to using a pen and paper or a tablet device. Audio recording your notes is an easy way to create a circle of shame around you. You’re at the center, and everyone else is five feet or more away from you.

In part two, I’ll give you a simple way database your notes. You can then find any idea you want – within minutes of when you need it.

What system do you use for recording your ideas?

April 8, 2013