The Blog of Author David Allen

Author: D. Allen

  • Jordan Mitchfield – A Fictional Case Study of the Victim Mentality.

    “I used to think I was a victim of my story until I realized the truth that I am the creator of my story. I choose what type of person I will be and what type of impact I will leave on others.” – Steve Maraboli, Behavioral Scientist at Michael Thomas Research Center for Social & Behavioral Science, New York.

    photo courtesy of yohanl on sxc.hu
    photo courtesy of yohanl on sxc.hu

    Do a lot of bad things happen to you? Have you ever thought about searching for a solution to something that has kept you trapped for years, and thought, why bother?

    Everyone has moments like this.

    Some of us are in in debt, with little hope of recovery.

    More still have lost their faith that they can find a job that meets the needs of themselves and their families.

    Worse still, there are those who can identify people by how this mentality rules their lives – who take advantage of it to control people. By making people more dependent, it is possible to make them slaves.

    In this post, I am going to interview someone who got out of that mentality. He is the main character of an upcoming book, and is a great case study of how the victim mentality can sneak up on anyone.

    He doesn’t want anyone to be a slave of the victim mentality, and neither do I. So I dragged him up out of my head for an interview, and because this happened after the book is over, he doesn’t feel too bad about it.

    Enter Jordan.

    _____

    David: What is the victim mentality?

    Jordan: Doctors say it’s where people learn to think of themselves as victims of the actions of others. Eventually, it becomes a personality trait. In my case, I would think, speak, and act as if I were the victim. Sometimes I may have a logical reason, and other times I may have simply said something is wrong with my fate, or that God just doesn’t like me –

    David: Just a minute, friend. My itunes keeps opening on me when I’m trying to write this post. No, for the fifth time, I don’t want to listen to Bon Jovi’s You Give Love a Bad Name. Stop playing it!

    Jordan: Don’t worry, I’ll take over for you. Basically, you learn it as a child. If you don’t recognize it and take steps to reframe how you see your life, you will always be reacting. Every thing that people do around you will bother you. It’s like your whole body is covered in bruises, and anything another person does feels like a bad masseuse forcing themselves on you.

    David: That’s an oddly specific metaphor. Does that come from personal exp– No, iTunes, why must you do this to me?!

    Jordan: I had help from close friends who put up with my instability long enough to help me reframe moments of my childhood. When I learned that many of my bad times either weren’t my fault, or that I could reframe those memories so I didn’t see myself as a victim, I became healthier.

    <Shot to the heart, and you’re to blame…>

    David: Stop ignoring me, Jordan! Give an example or something. Most of our audience aren’t heirs to a billion dollar fortune. Why would a victim mentality stop someone like you?

    Jordan: In my case, I was once fired from my own father’s company. It wasn’t even my brother, or dad who did it. An HR manager called me into an office, closed the door, and said I wasn’t a good fit. It reminded me of my mom, who seemed to view me as a nuisance, or when my friends betrayed me in high school. You see how a victim mentality is built over how you see a whole number of experiences?

    Then, there’s society at large contributing to the victim mentality – teaching whole generations to be dependent on those who don’t have their best interests in mind. Most love songs that are popular these days, especially breakup songs, reinforce the victim mentality. Most TV shows and Films have characters in extreme conflict. Sometimes this conflict has to be created by manufacturing a victim mentality in the characters. This isn’t going to change, but it would be great if the media that’s put our there can better show the negative consequences of acting out of that mentality.

    David: Let’s stay on topic. Have you forgotten that I created you?

    Jordan: A great example of real characters in conflict are in the book, Emotionally Bulletproof – Scott’s Story. David gets money if you buy it.

    David: You’ll need to do better than that…just a moment. iTunes again.

    Jordan: And David’s right about the victim mentality. One of the best ways to monitor where you are on the victim mentality is to ask yourself if you are taking responsibility for every aspect of your life. If you find you aren’t, you aren’t alone. Consider these quotes:

    If you are taught bitterness and anger, then you will believe you are a victim. You will feel aggrieved and the twin brother of aggrievement is entitlement. So now you think you are owed something and you don’t have to work for it and now you’re on a really bad road to nowhere because there are people who will play to that sense of victimhood, aggrievement and entitlement, and you still won’t have a job.” – Condoleeza Rice, Former U.S. Secretary of State.

    David: Now you’re imposing your political views on us, stop it!

    Jordan: Is it possible you still have some work to do on the victim mentality? Anyway, the victim mentality is a very politically charged arena. Search for the victim mentality, and you’ll see Democrats, Republicans, Tea Partiers, Race Politics, and many other issues mixed in. It’s good that this debate is happening, because we now know what the victim mentality can do if used or abused by different groups of people. Consider this quote:

    And all the congregation lifted up their voice, and cried; and the people wept that night. And all the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron: and the whole congregation said unto them, Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness! And wherefore hath the LORD brought us unto this land, to fall by the sword, that our wives and our children should be a prey? were it not better for us to return into Egypt? And they said one to another, Let us make a captain, and let us return into Egypt. – Numbers 14: 1-4 KJV

    In this example. We see what it looks like when a group of people have been conditioned to be dependent for four hundred years. Now the deliverer they’ve been promised is leading them to freedom, but the road is difficult. What do they do? Let’s get a leader [to take responsibility for us] and go back to Egypt [where they were slaves].

    You see, the victim mentality is a fight for your own freedom. Since I’m in a sci-fi book, the plot will eventually come down to freedom or slavery, as most sci-fi plots do. So, to will your own journey.

    David: …Thanks for coming in. I also saw some more interesting writing on the victim mentality over at write change grow. I urge anyone interested in this subject to dig deeper.

    Jordan: Just let me know in advance before you bring me in next time, okay?

  • The Invisible Elements -Creative Marketing and Financing for the Indie Filmmaker

    Want to raise money for an independent film? Elements may be your ticket to success, but you have to do things differently from those who are already established when things get tough. Here, I show how the people around you can help you raise money during preproduction, and market your indie film once it’s made. Enjoy!

    —

    Photo from Jannes at sxc.hu
    Photo from Jannes at sxc.hu

    April 2012, I sat in at the UT film production class. I was new to town, and professor Richard Lewis was one of the few teachers who let people to audit classes. One day, Professor Lewis spoke about attached elements.

    Want to make a great film, one that gets in theatres? You need attached elements.

    -A great script

    -A Producer

    -An A-list actor

    -A director

    Those are elements.

    Why?

    Each of these has a reputation. People know A-list actors and directors for their previous work. Moviegoers know who they are, and will often pay to see a film just because they are involved.

    Producers have standing. When you see a Jerry Bruckheimer film, you know what kind of film you are going to see, and what qualities you can expect. It will be an action film – big stars, a few explosions, a love story, and a few funny one-liners.

    A few strong elements can increase your chance of a successful film. What’s more, you have a greater chance of getting it made in the first place.

    That is how producers make movies.

    Indie filmmakers can benefit from what content marketers already know – everyone can spread an idea.

    Today, a production assistant can have a blog with 10,000 followers. A grip can also be a writer whose work may not yet hit the NYT bestseller list, but has a decent-size audience.

    A casting agent could host events with other actors and agents at a Mexican restaurant every second Wednesday of every month.

    You may not convince Judd Apatow to make your film just because a blogger likes the idea, but it can help you if you’re making an indie film.

    Say you’re raising money for a project on Kickstarter, and there are three DPs who can shoot demos and teasers for your project.

    Should their ‘platform’ and power to spread the word about your film be a factor in which one you hire?

    What if you asked this question to everyone you worked with?

    What if, out of a hundred people, you found ten with a platform of some kind?

    If three can help you raise money, and all ten can spread the work at film fests or to drive online sales, how much better off could you be?

    Maybe this advice is ahead of it’s time – most people don’t have platforms, aren’t marketers, and don’t draw an audience.

    But most aspiring filmmakers fail, so why leave any stone unturned?

    Can you work with someone with a platform who can help you promote/ distribute your next project? Let me know in the comments.

  • The Victim Mentality

    You can tell when you’re in the victim mentality.

    It’s easy.

    1. The day is almost over and you’ve accomplished nothing.

    2. You’re angry.

    When you get angry, it may give you a short burst of energy. Showing anger may feel like an expression of masculinity, but it only reveals how easy it is to hurt your feelings.

    In fact, it’s worse than steroids; steroids may shrink your balls, but at least you’re still wearing pants.

    From about age 6-19, I was addicted to the burst of energy i’d get by being angry. I’m 25 now, so after 6 years of trying to find better, more productive mental states, I still find anger sneaking up on me.

    Moving to Austin was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make, and it was one built on a lot of truth. It was also based on a lot of confirmation bias and hype. Someone said there were jobs here, and apparently let the word out to everyone in the country.

    It’s not like I don’t have a job. Technically, I have two. But the reality is that right now I live very solidly in the “I’m, but” demographic Jon Acuff talks about in Quitter.

    I want to be a lawyer, but I deliver pizzas.

    I’m a production assistant, but what i’d really like to do is direct.

    I’m a temp data entry worker, but I’d like to start my own business.

    You’ve heard these things before. In fact, you may have said similar things 10+ times in the last week.

    Maybe you don’t even know what you want to do – but it’s not what you’re doing now.

    In any case, it’s easy to get distracted by thinking everyone’s stupid, or how nobody’s giving you a chance, or that God – that universal-vending-machine-in-the-sky, isn’t giving you a solid answer no matter how many times you ask.

    Note: God is not a vending machine, but we act like He’s supposed to be when we’re in the victim mentality.

    It’s one of the reasons I’m writing this upcoming book. A victim mentality can cripple anyone, regardless of how much potential is inside each of us.

    This idea has been so important for me to learn, that it may help anyone else struggling with this mentality, so I’m writing it as a book first.

    Get out of this mentality, and you can be creative.

    You can enjoy relationships based on who people truly are, not by how much they can further your interests.

    You can treat life for the enjoyable journey it was meant to be.

    I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. – Ecclesiastes 3:12 NIV

    What do you do to get yourself out of the victim mentality?

  • Evaluate Past Experiences – Time Travel as a Tool for Personal Growth.

    “I wish – that – I knew what I know now, when I was younger” – The Faces (and everybody over 20)

    courtesy of maxkabakov of istockphoto.com

    Have you ever wanted to go back in time and teach yourself what you’ve learned?

    It would be a wonderful thing. How many times have you failed to accomplish what you wanted to do, or let an opportunity pass you by? Have you ever said something you wished you hadn’t, or reacted to a misunderstanding?

    We’ve all done those things. And the great thing about our mistakes is that they stay in the past. We ask forgiveness, we act in a way that separates ourselves from behaviors and attitudes that go against our conscience. Most of all, we learn from these moments.

    Yet we still suffer damage, and that damage affects our present and future decisions. There is still an effect on our emotions and our ability to relate in a healthy way with others. Some of this damage is unavoidable.

    So, would it be fantastic to go back into the past, and reinterpret those past events based on all the knowledge and wisdom you’ve gained since making those mistakes?

    What if you can? What if you can actually do that?

    It’s the premise of one of my writing projects – my next book. In the story, a person physically revisits their memories and confronts each event that lead to their dire situation.

    How to evaluate your past and reinterpret it for a better life

    1. Think of one moment – it could be something from your childhood, something that scared you, humiliated you, filled you with anger. Back then you acted wrongly, and you know you could do it again if exposed to the same events and circumstances. Let’s change that.

    2. Write down the experience, and what it made you believe about life. Did that believe system help you or hurt you?

    3. Now make a choice to believe in something in line with truth. Something that sets you free, yet also holds you responsible for your own life. Take an action that lines up with that new truth.

    Congratulations, you are now the hero in the story of your life.

    What belief system can you change, and what action will you take to reinforce it?

  • Getting Out of Your Own Way.

    There are many people out there doing amazing things.

    Writing can do wonders for your intelligence, especially with other people.

    Imagine it: When you create a story, populated with different people. you have to create those people. People who aren’t you. In acting upon your need, desire, and best efforts to create those people, you learn that your own subconscious mind is a tricky beast. You’ll find a way to sneak your own personal preferences, dislikes, ambitions, or their opposites, straight into your characters. Depending on the direction the story needs to go, a lot of it needs to be edited out.

    But by whom, you? That’s like asking the man with dark sunglasses on to turn on the light. They may notice the change, but they still see the world through those super-c0ol, or not-so-cool, lenses.

    As it turns out, writing about other people is a skill. By practicing it, you learn so much about your own patterns, and begin to notice the patterns in others as well. This is one of the biggest reasons why I don’t get when people say that ‘fiction writing’ has no value.

    If the act of writing a story gives you a better ability to look at the world from beyond your own personal biases, then it’s practically a crash-course in truth-seeking, wisdom, and emotional intelligence. The investment is well worth it.

    Given, I’m no expert yet. I hope I can be good one day. So far for me, the only way to really improve is to interact with other people as much as possible, continue to edit out the parts of me that sneak into the characters’ lives, and keep writing stories.

    Maybe somewhere between my 4th and 40th story, I’ll reach that self-determined stage where I can look in the mirror and call myself ‘good’ at this skill.

    Have you had trouble looking outside of your own viewpoint?

    Has a lack of skill in this area negatively impacted your ability to succeed the way you really want to?

  • Manic Depressive Writer Syndrome

    I’ve heard all writers have it, and now I can no longer exclude myself.

    It’s not the worst feeling in the world. The destination you have is the same as it was when you were hyper-motivated, but your sense of direction is off. There is nothing so disarming as a dancing compass when you’re trying to get somewhere. So while it does feel bad, and what you feel you must do at the present moment is unclear, it really isn’t that soul crushing.

    Trust me, this is coming from someone who thought depression was normal after living with it for almost half my life.

    What does a lost writer do? Look for meaning. If you’re Christian, the bible is a good place to start, so I started reading Psalms and found this quote:

    I’m hurt and in pain;
    Give me space for healing, and mountain air.

    It came from Psalm 69 in the Message Bible. Anyway, in a moment of melodrama, I decided to become a hermit and live in the mountains. So I drove a quarter mile to this range of hills and got out of the car. “Today I go into the wilderness” I said to myself in my best Mexican accent.

    What I forgot about in my quest for healing and mountain air is that I’m one of the worst hikers on earth. I don’t do it very often, and about halfway up this 800-foot hill I thought, “well, forget this”, in a slightly less Christian word choice. I turned around – the hill was much steeper looking down than it seemed going up. It took forever to get down, probably because of the sliding rocks and the fact that I ignored the ‘avalanche warning’ sign at the foot of the hill. There was no snow on this mountain, but when there’s an avalanche warning, you know the slope is pretty steep.

    So yeah, I’m practically the worst Alaskan ever. My journey into the wilderness hadn’t even made it past the first ridge, and a poodle was barking at me from the house at the foot of the mountain. I couldn’t even get away from the fenced-in poodle.

    If you’ve ever gone hiking, you’ve probably seen this character archetype: you’re exhausted and halfway up the mountain when you see these baby boomers powering down the hill. These people are in their seventies, really ugly, and can outhike most people in their 20’s. In Hailey Idaho, people are a lot like that, except without the ugly. In this introspective moment, these non-ugly old hikers became role models in my mind.

    Still, how did the early trailblazers do this stuff? I can imagine Lewis and Clark trying to get down that hill: in the beginning they are inching their way down with dread and caution in their eyes; one month later, they are sprinting down those slopes like hungry mountain lions charging at an Argentine steakhouse. Sacagawea must have rolled her eyes when she saw those newbie hikers fresh out of the east coast. “I’ll go with these guys because they won’t last half an hour without me. Hopefully they’ll give up before this turns into a long-term committment.” But no, those two young adventurers imagined a future where old, good-looking people can run around in those wilderness hills for recreational purposes, before heading back to their coffee shops in downtown.

    So that’s what I did. I got down the mountain and drove to my local coffeeshop, where they gave me a Yerba Maté Latte for free, thanks to a written review I had given them comparing them to Lord of the Rings and Narnia with a shot of espresso and vanilla syrup. Things are already looking up. From there, I sat down and proceeded to just write about whatever.

    It just goes to show, when you feel bad, things can still turn around for the better really quickly. So hang in there.

  • Emotionally Bulletproof Update

    What a busy week it has been for my co-author and me.

    We have done a lot of traveling in the past few weeks, traveling to Illinois, Los Angeles, Portland, and Seattle. We have done public speeches, book signings, selling to bookstores, and even a television interview, which will be announced here as soon as we know the air date.

    The biggest lesson so far: Most people are pretty approachable.

    Biggest spiritual lesson: If you follow biblical principles, and the people you do business with follow them as well, the plans you make together are more likely to become a reality.

    Future Plans

    One of my fellow coaches is working with me to develop a website where people can get to know all of our coaches, learn from them, and even learn to become their own coach!

    We should have the site up sometime in May.

    Book three should be available on Amazon within a few weeks. It so far has been the most challenging to write out of all of them, and I’m proud of what it is.

  • V-Day

    Calligraphy from the 15th century…brought to you by the letter 'V'!

    I know it was the 12th, but I celebrated Valentines day last Saturday night.

    Least favorite holiday of the year. Still, I had a good time.

    I was visiting the church of a friend, and spent the weekend staying with his family. There were two church services, a park outreach, singing in a nursing home, and a fancy Valentine’s dinner celebration all in one day.

    Keep in mind, I rarely make it through one church service, let alone two. When you add several outreach ministries on the back end, anyone can be made to feel stressed by the end of that day. The social atmosphere of church usually wears me down. Hopefully I will have more days like this to push through and increase my social stamina.

    Anyway, on to the celebration. There was Italian food, and violins playing concertos. It felt like something out of Pride and Prejudice – the atmosphere can make any man feel like a gentleman. The evening was followed by my friend, his brother, his Pastor father, and me all playing a cover of “Surfin’ U.S.A.”.

    Don’t even ask.

    The crowd loved it though, and it was a great way to start playing the guitar again after a year of letting the callouses deteriorate from my fingertips. Other acts followed: stand-up comedy, covers of love songs by a talented pianist, and finally, the highlight of the evening, the affirmations.

    In one calculated move, the Richardson Texas church took the one thing I disliked about Valentine’s day and made it my favorite part. After this post, you are sure to feel the same.

    One by one, people stood up and publicly thanked the individuals who have showed them love at different points in their lives. This was symbolized by a short speech, and an exchange of roses and chocolate.

    The usual suspects had their time in the spotlight. The happily married couples, significant others, and boyfriends/girlfriends had plenty of opportunities to make single people feel jealous, and painfully aware of their own lack of relationship. The expressions of love exchanged on that night lightened the atmosphere and gave me great appreciation for the group of people gathered there.

    Brothers and sisters, guitarists and soundmen, mothers and sons, and friends of one another all had their chance to show how much love and respect they had for their close friendships.

    The affirmations took a long time to wrap up, and we left the church after 10:30 p.m.

    Even though we stayed at ‘church’ from 8:30 a.m. to 10:30 p.m., I went to bed feeling less worn out than I normally do after three hours of traditional church worship services.

    Valentines day is a great day to be alive.

  • Scott’s Story on Kindle, and other updates

    There are several things I am excited to announce:

    KINDLE!

    Emotionally Bulletproof Scott’s Story is now available on kindle. If you have an iPhone, iPad, laptop computer, or a kindle e-reading device, you can use the kindle applications to download the complete story and read it anywhere, without carrying a book at all.

    What excites me most is that people in the UK, Canada, and any other countries Amazon ships to will be able to learn simple principles for building trust with the people in their lives. There are no shipping hassles, an affordable price, and the opportunity to read the next two books in the series when they come out.

     

    Brian Shaul

    My coauthor is becoming a pioneer in the area of coaching. He not only developed the ideas for the book series, but also has a blog about becoming your own coach. This is useful whether you have a coach and want to get more out of the relationship, or if you feel like experimenting with sound, biblical principles on your own.

    Emotionally Bulletproof is how he plans on changing the world for the better, and it’s definitely worth a look. I would even recommend subscribing to see how it progresses.

    EBP Travel

    The greatest thing about being an author, other than writing, is meeting well-intentioned people seeking health, wealth, and healing.

    I will be traveling down to Texas, which is my home base, then traveling up through to Idaho, where I will begin working to make the Northwest United States familiar with EBP and biblical principles. I have been holding back my excitement for weeks about this.

     

  • Gain 20+ Years of Wisdom Instantly

    honest abe by bluepoetie

    Feedback is results that can be seen, measured, and acted upon. This can come from 2 different places:

    1. Your own personal experiences.
    2. Other people’s advice and mentorship.

    Life is too short to make all the mistakes on your own. If you want to achieve big goals that are beyond your current level of achievement, you are going to need the guidance of other people. This will allow you to apply your efforts to the activities that you know will work, making you appear much wiser.

    This may seem crystal clear to most people, but do YOU actually do it? If you have so far, then you’re a step ahead of me. If you don’t keep doing it, you won’t be ahead for long.

    Not that it’s a race, but I’ve learned that the biggest thing that I can do this year to gain the most success in the least amount of time is this: Seek out advice from people who have already done what I want to do.

    Seek out several sources. You can keep it to simple tweets to the people in question, a ¼ page email, or an in-person interview over coffee and lunch. It doesn’t have to be hard.

    Don’t put all your eggs in one basket either. If one person doesn’t respond, have several other people ready to respond to you.

    For example, several places I would like some help are:

    • scheduling radio interviews
    • learning how to network better
    • learning how to sell to booksellers
    • learning how to get started in public speaking with no previous background

    These are just a few. In any of these cases I will look for people who have succeeded in these areas in the last 3-5 years, as well as people who have been doing these activities for decades.

    If you want to take action on a simple thinking exercise, make it this one: What are you wanting to learn how to do? What are you struggling with? What obstacle are you afraid of facing? Finally, who can you talk to for answers (people you know personally or who you know of online)? Strangers? Is anyone in your network already who may know the types of people you’re looking for?